For years Dean and I have agreed back and forth that if God ever asked us to open up our home to someone, we would definitely do it. But we both thought that if that's what God wanted, He would bring it about. It would just happen naturally, and we would not resist the flow of the Spirit. A little apathetic, I know - but I comforted myself with the idea that I was willing to be obedient, should God ever make an obvious request of me.
When I was on maternity leave with Carson 6 years ago, I would lay on the sofa for a rest each afternoon, and each day at 2:30 a commercial would come on t.v. asking families to take in children from Nova Scotia who needed homes. That heavy, aching, knowing feeling would fill me - but I was very pregnant, and not in a position to do anything...
But the conviction never left... It went underground for a while (but I think it was just buried by the busy-ness of life after a fourth child - 2 already in school, one a toddler, and me trying to go back to work...).
A couple years ago a girlfriend and I were talking - and she's such a risk-taker compared to me. She mentioned wanting to adopt a child some day. I just continued to listen to her dream, and asked as many questions as I could. She showed me several websites from the States (we are both married to Americans) and the photolistings available through the U.S. agencies were extensive. A new ache, a new knowing, a new "wail" began to build in me.
Every day that I'd turn on my itunes or a worship cd or my youtube music list, Hillsong's "SOLUTION" seemed to be playing, and the opening lines convicted me more deeply each time:
"It is not a human right to stare not fight, while broken nations grieve.
Open up our eyes so blind that we might find, the mercy for the need."
GOD, UNLIKE US DOES NOT VIEW THE 143 MILLION ORPHANS IN THE WORLD THE SAME WAY WE DO. HE DOES NOT SEE THEM AS ORPHANS, BUT INSTEAD HE SEES THEM AS HIS KIDS, AND HE IS HOPING THAT SOME OF HIS OTHER KIDS WOULD STEP UP AND JUST SIMPLY TAKE CARE OF HIS FAMILY ... THEIR FAMILY.
I approached Dean with the idea - but he's always been the one of us to say he wished we'd had at least one more baby (I was a barn with my last baby, and not willing to go that route again) - so I was surprised at how long he took to mull this over before he decided.
I should have known - that's the way Dean works. He will look at every angle - every option - every detail, because he wants to make the best decision possible. That's fine when he's picking out a new lawnmower - but it was rather hard for me when I'd already given my heart away to 17 different children on Rainbowkids.com!
Dean threw his hat into the ring whole-heartedly, and I've loved watching this spiritual warrior take on a new mission of protection and prayerful guarding of a new little charge.
We will be bringing home our little (under 3 years of age) daughter from China - hopefully by the end of the year (any one who's done this knows that timelines are VERY flexible!). We are more than excited, and knowing she's already born makes us feel the reality of Father caring for her while we can't.
Have we thought of things that could go wrong? Of course. Have people brought up every story they can remember of adoptions gone bad? Pretty much. What's our solid ground - our firm foundation? There are over 300 verses in God's Word that tell us to care for the widow, the orphans and the poor. Waiting for God to drop a basket on our doorstep was lidocaine for my conscience - a numbing of the calling God has been forming in my heart for years.
A Godly and amazing woman sent this poem to me when she heard about our choice. It's not the first time her mouth has been used by God to deliver a new perspective or moment of truth to me.
I almost let fear over take my heart and not step forward for these kids.
I almost let the voice of others become my voice of reason.
I almost let my selfish ambition and dreams destroy this life.
I almost listened when some people called us crazy (to our faces) and wanted to become sane again.
I almost let the world's ideal become my reality.
I almost cowed from the courage inside placed by a King mightier than ever.
I almost chased a life not set out for me, to be ''liked'' again.
I almost believed it when I was told I was being selfish.
I almost MISSED OUT on this. I ALMOST MISSED OUT ON THIS!
Faith is the substance of things hoped for; the evidence of things not seen.
For now we are waiting expectantly...
5 comments:
This is so passionate, so thought through, so raw, so you. Thank you for sharing your truth, your journey. Our prayers go with you until this journey has come to bear fruit and beyond. Love you. Sara
You are so brave, so bold, so compassionate and I am so proud of you and so blessed to call you my friend... even though through time and distance and busy lives, we have drifted - I am so excited for you and Dean and the kids for this amazing new turn in your life, and in awe that you go boldly forth. Your new daughter is truly lucky to be able to know you and have you shape her in God's way. Tara
Oh Nancy!! I'm just back on facebook/blogs since giving them up for lent and am over the moon for you guys! I can't think of a more fun, warm, passionate family than yours to make room for someone who needs just what you have to offer! Madison must be so excited to have the little sister she didn't yet have! I'm so thrilled for you guys! Can't wait to follow the rest of the journey!
Karla
You forgot to mention, "the best circus without a tent" when you described my family. However we are "over the moon and back" with excitement ourselves. We are feeling all the thrill (and fear) of risk, but we've already given our hearts away.
so incredible.
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