Your family is here and yet you're somewhere else alone

This past Christmas we weren't yet sharing our precious news of a new baby somewhere in China. But privately I ached.

Where was this little one, away across the sea?  Was she being treasured and celebrated?  Was he hungry or cold?  Did any one come in the night to comfort her if she cried?  Was there someone to hold him in their arms and love him while I am waiting?

Then I found this blog post - I follow this blog, having found that the writer adopted their little girl from in the same city that we picked up our Bronwyn.  And when I arrived at the civil affairs office in Xi'an I found the room looked familiar, and the friendly orphanage director looked familiar, and I realized God had shown me months before through Kelly Raudenbush's blog where we would meet our daughter. It was familiar at a time when nothing else was.

When I couldn't even pull my scattered thoughts together to write coherently, I found something that expressed my heart better than I could myself.  A post from Kelly's own waiting days - the Christmas before they went to pick up their daughter.

"It’s a strange feeling this year, knowing that we have a daughter somewhere and she is not home with us. The only comfort in that is knowing that it is our last Christmas without her and the fact that we know that God is near to her and to all of the children who are without parents. May He hold her today for us and whisper in her ear that she is loved."

There’s a little girl trembling on a cold December morn,

Crying for mama’s arms

At an orphanage just outside a little China town

There the forgotten are

But half a world away, I hang the stockings by the fire

And dream about the day when I can finally call you mine

It’s Christmas time again, but you’re not home

Your family is here and yet you’re somewhere else alone

And so tonight, I pray that God will come and hold you in his arms

And tell you from my heart, I wish you Merry Christmas

As I hang the tinsel on the tree and watch the twinkling lights

I’m warmed by the fire’s glow

Outside the children tumble in a wonderland of white,

Make angels in the snow

But half a world away, you try your best to fight the tears

And hope that heaven’s angels come to carry you here

It’s Christmas time again, but you’re not home

Your family is here and yet you’re somewhere else alone

And so tonight, I pray that God will come and hold you in his arms

And tell you from my heart, I wish you Merry Christmas

Christmas is a time to celebrate the holy child

And we celebrate His perfect gift of love

He came to earth to give his life

And prepare a place for us

So we could have a home with him above

It’s Christmas time again and now you’re home

Your family is here so you will never be alone

So tonight before you go to sleep, I’ll hold you in my arms

And I’ll tell you from my heart, and I’ll tell you from my heart

I wish you Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas by Third Day

Here we go again!

I knew it before we did it last time.

Dean knew it before we even overcame jetlag from our first journey.

God knew it from the beginning of time. 
    Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you.  Jeremiah 1:5
    For he chose us in him before the creation of the world.  Ephesians 1:4

"Why do you do it?"  
"What made you decide to adopt?"  
From the somewhat derogatory tones to the truly curious, we've been asked those two questions more times than I can count. 
The answer is more complicated and way more simple than is easily shared: God told us to.  37 times.  37 times in God's Word it commands us to look after the widows and orphans and foreigners.  So it wasn't a question of "should we?"  so much as "how should we?"  And for us it's to welcome a child into our arms and hearts forever.

Step by somewhat reluctant step I've been led into this world of orphans - and the stories and needs have changed me.  I want to block the sites that I so easily joined - stop seeing the constant broken little faces that show up in my email and on my facebook every day. Someone's advocating for one more little one.  
This one's about to age out - be sent to live on the streets because she's 14 and too old for institutional care.  
Another one has cuts and bruises from a rough environment and even rougher nannies.  He is 7 and weighs 24 pounds.
A little boy is covered in black birthmarks - nobody wants him.  All the world seems to be looking at the outward appearance, forgetting that God looks at the heart.
A little girl with cerebral palsy will likely never walk, and has trouble speaking.  Her only real problem is being unwanted.

And my heart pounds and I'm afraid.  I don't know much of anything about special needs.  I have five children already, and I don't want to hurt them.  I don't know if we can provide for another little one.  Will I ever sleep through the night?  I'm too old - or at least that's what some tell me.  

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress.   James 1:27

Father God so gently nudges.  Quietly asks.  My spirit nods - I'm learning to trust that He is good and He might ask me to do hard things, but never anything that will hurt me or my family.  One small nod, and Holy Spirit bursts within me a passion for a child I've never met.  He creates within me the desire to mother another one.  

On Saturday, March 29th we are holding a silent auction to invite friends and family and anyone else to join us on this journey.  The introvert in me has had a hard time with this.  This is my secret.  I want to do this myself - just Dean and I and the kids.  But again I nod and excitement grows to share our news and invite others into our joy.

Bidding begins at 7p.m. at Christian Life Centre.   Everyone is welcome to come and bid on tables of wonderful donations.  Coffee (Jonny's Java!!) and desserts will be available, as well as two other ways to partner with us.  

A Chinese auction ( I love that it's called that:) table will hold a variety of other donations. Tickets can be purchased and put towards any of these items, with a draw being held at the end of the evening.  

Another table will be covered in red envelopes.  Each envelope has a dollar amount written on it, and all the envelopes tally up to $5150.

Money raised from any of these events will go towards adoption costs (specifically the international agency fee for registration and translation, as well as the China government dossier authentication process.)  

Except the money from the red envelope table.  When we go to pick up our child, an orphanage donation must be paid.  This is meant to cover the nutritional, physical and medical costs of our child up to that point, as well as go towards the care of other children that will be staying at the institution.  Each province dictates the exact amount - which usually lands between $5000 and $5500.  Any money that is donated via red envelope will go towards these orphanage costs.

Do we know if we are getting a boy or a girl?  No.

Do we know if he/she will have a missing limb, or a cleft palate or downs syndrome?  No.

Do we know what this will look like every step of the way?  No.

Hillsong United expresses our hearts pretty well:

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dy9nwe9_xzw

“Safe?” said Mr. Beaver; “Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.” 
― C.S. Lewis, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe