Recently I had someone tell me who I was. She gave several details - including the fact that I didn't have the ability to articulate things well, and that's why she noticed I just stayed out of certain arguments. Wow.
I told Dean about this conversation, and we got a good laugh. So many of the things she'd described about me were so NOT me! It gave us the giggles to remember her with her hand on my shoulder, looking into my eyes and saying she understood I just wasn't the type to be silly with the kids. She was trying to hard to be understanding and empathetic, all the while giving me a list of her own attributes and talents.
I also got serious and asked, "Is she right?" "What part of the whole spiel she threw my way was correct?" So, even though this particular individual doesn't know me well, she did get me thinking about what is important to me and how I see myself.
We are all different people in different circumstances and in different relationships. I think it's worthwhile to realize that that's one reason God gives us relationships. Certain people bring out aspects of our personality that no one else can:
Sara... my word can we laugh! No matter how many years span our friendship we connect on this deep foundation of joy. This is our special gift from God that is different from every other gift of joy I've experienced. But laughter isn't the only thing that I share with Sara. The years when I moved from place to place, and never got to put down roots - she was an unshakable support. One night surrounded by church people, work, and kids, and a vibrant relationship with Jesus, I called Sara up in complete despair. "Why do I feel SO alone?" I wailed to her? That deep place inside that longs to connect with someone was so cold and neglected.
She could have lectured me on what God was doing in my life - teaching me that He is my everything, and I'm never truly alone. He was doing that, you know. But Sara, with all her prophetic giftings, also knew when to leave something alone. She left that alone. Instead she quietly said few words:
"You're deep," she said. "And you long for depth."
Her words broke me and I knew that the depth I was longing for would truly only be found as I embraced further intimacy with Jesus.
With Sara I feel I can laugh uncontrollably and weep in true grief...
Cyndi... she challenges me spiritually and encourages me to go further and higher and deeper, just by watching her pursuit of the holy.
Some of Cyndi's recent words:
" It will stir within you because deep calls to deep; the Spirit searches all things; even the deep things of God, and He will lead you into all truth and tell you things to come! His promises are so much more literal and less ethereal than we've been taught. "
"You are surrendered when you get active rather than passive- passivity is not trust... "
"exercise your spirit!,and trust; not either or, does that make sense? And don't LET FEAR HAVE ANY SAY OR INFLUENCE- fear adds a what if? Faith adds im certain! "
" the bible is a strategic manual on war! And every saint is at very least a soldier who is to take territory! The gates of hell will not withstand you as you go to war for your children! Including the one you are calling into the kingdom of light out of babylon. Be militant my friend- we are in a war-life and death are in the power of our tongue with our new creation spirit!"
The relationship I have with Cyndi - how she knows me and I know her is so different than any other. This is an iron-sharpens-iron type friendship.
Joan... always a step ahead of me in this journey of marriage and children. The things I have learned from Joan! - she's allowed me to make foolish statements and try things, she's tolerated my immaturity and has no idea how I've watched her wrestle to understand her position in Father's eyes, and how to go at spiritual battles through prayer. We have seen each other two or three times in the past 11 years, and have never been at a loss for conversation. Somehow we connected deeply in a very short period of time, and then parted ways. Our lives are so very different - she with two almost-adults, and me with my house still full and getting fuller. She's been generous to allow me a glimpse into raw family and marriage moments - and it's freed me to share deeply with her. I know it's all going straight to the cross - not fodder for somebody's gossip inbox.
These are only 3 relationships - and each knows me differently. I'm sure I only know a limited aspect of all God's created them to be as well.
My sisters and my mom and the friends from where I live now - they know me differently as well.
They know I'm absolutely in love with anything Jane Austen
I can't get enough of LMM - especially since my trip to PEI
I felt SO cared about when my husband brought me my 3 top chocolate choices for our anniversary.
I don't really need cut flowers
I want to know and be known by Father more intimately every day.
I sometimes laugh at other people's pain (like when Dean ran into a tree flying a kite)
I'm crazy about love songs - "All You Can Do is Wait" is my favorite du jour!
When I get to heaven I'll know how to dance in every style
I have chased my kids around the dining room table with salad tongs more times than I can count (we were ALL laughing!)
I do NOT find Napoleon Dynamite-type movies funny. Just stupid.
I would rather be perceived as a prude & judgemental than risk letting my kids watch/do whatever anybody else is doing
I've climbed up into a McDonald's playplace tunnel and pulled another child down by the ankle who was harassing my kid.
I'd move overseas in a heartbeat if God ever asked me to.
There's no need for Sara or Cyndi or Joan to compete for my friendship. They are irreplaceable individuals that each have a unique spot in my heart (among so many others:). No one is like each of them, and no one relates to me the way they each do.
And so just as we are different in every friendship / relationship, God is experienced differently by each person. The way I know and relate to Him is different than the way my husband knows and relates to Him. I LOVE that!
In "The Shack" the character portraying Father God gets a twinkle in her eye whenever she thinks of any one of her children. Each one makes her gush, "Oh, I'm particularly fond of him." "Oh! I just love her!"
The author does a wonderful job of showing how every single one of God's children has a unique spot in His heart. There's no need for me to compete for His affections. No one is like each of us and no one can relate to God the way each one of us does.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
The Night Before the First Day of School
The Night Before the First Day of School
Twas the night before school, when all through this home
The children were bathed and their hair was all combed.
The backpacks were hung by the front door with care,
In hopes that morning soon would be there.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of play grounds danced in their heads.
And Dean in his jammies, and I in mine too,
Had just finished blessing and kissing our crew.
When there on the News there arose such a clatter,
I sat up in my chair to see what was the matter.
Pictures of danger flew past like a flash,
With bullies to teachers my children might clash!
The children were bathed and their hair was all combed.
The backpacks were hung by the front door with care,
In hopes that morning soon would be there.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of play grounds danced in their heads.
And Dean in his jammies, and I in mine too,
Had just finished blessing and kissing our crew.
When there on the News there arose such a clatter,
I sat up in my chair to see what was the matter.
Pictures of danger flew past like a flash,
With bullies to teachers my children might clash!
I worried and stewed and fretted and stressed,
From home-school to private – what would be best?
When, what to my wondering heart should appear,
But my Bible with bookmarks at places held dear.
With a flick of the wrist, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment which one I would pick.
“God takes care of flowers, it’s wonderfully true.
But think of how much more He cares for you!”
My Madison is pure and gentle and kind;
A funnier girl you will never find.
She is sweet and creative – a real sweetheart,
Will Father stay close while she and I are apart?
Adrian is next with his chuckle of glee;
He waves from his bike as he looks back at me.
It’s not everybody who sees his soft side
nor the tears of frustration he tries to hide.
And then, in a twinkling, I think of God’s Word
where God sees the fall of each baby bird.
He’s holding these two precious children of mine,
But my Bible with bookmarks at places held dear.
With a flick of the wrist, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment which one I would pick.
“God takes care of flowers, it’s wonderfully true.
But think of how much more He cares for you!”
My Madison is pure and gentle and kind;
A funnier girl you will never find.
She is sweet and creative – a real sweetheart,
Will Father stay close while she and I are apart?
Adrian is next with his chuckle of glee;
He waves from his bike as he looks back at me.
It’s not everybody who sees his soft side
nor the tears of frustration he tries to hide.
And then, in a twinkling, I think of God’s Word
where God sees the fall of each baby bird.
He’s holding these two precious children of mine,
Guarding their spirits – making sure they are fine.
Then there is Kaden – our sensitive soul;
He loves to create, to build and to mold.
His quiet nature finds school a real pain,
We need Holy Spirit to lead through this “rain”.
And Carson who flies by the seat of his pants,
For fun and friends he raves and rants!
Will the pull of these others, these kids in the school
Make him forget what we’ve taught as the rule?
Love the Lord God with heart, soul and strength,
For family and loved ones – go every length.
You have a purpose, a plan and design!
You are no accident, children of mine!
I will declare, I’ll decide what is true
as from God’s Word, I take my cue!
“You are the head, not the tail,” He has said,
“The top, not the bottom – you’ve nothing to dread.”
Each page of your lives was written with care
before you were born, and I called you, “Wee bear.”
Adventure, excitement, fulfillment is yours
As you pursue Jesus – His plan and course.
So settle down worries, doubts go to sleep.
I’m praying for my babies, and babies don’t keep.
Settle down fears. Uncertainty rest.
I’m trusting my Father to do what He does best.
Then there is Kaden – our sensitive soul;
He loves to create, to build and to mold.
His quiet nature finds school a real pain,
We need Holy Spirit to lead through this “rain”.
And Carson who flies by the seat of his pants,
For fun and friends he raves and rants!
Will the pull of these others, these kids in the school
Make him forget what we’ve taught as the rule?
Love the Lord God with heart, soul and strength,
For family and loved ones – go every length.
You have a purpose, a plan and design!
You are no accident, children of mine!
I will declare, I’ll decide what is true
as from God’s Word, I take my cue!
“You are the head, not the tail,” He has said,
“The top, not the bottom – you’ve nothing to dread.”
Each page of your lives was written with care
before you were born, and I called you, “Wee bear.”
Adventure, excitement, fulfillment is yours
As you pursue Jesus – His plan and course.
So settle down worries, doubts go to sleep.
I’m praying for my babies, and babies don’t keep.
Settle down fears. Uncertainty rest.
I’m trusting my Father to do what He does best.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
In defense of average people
Somewhere in the world of YOUTUBE I listened to Joyce Meyer confess her need to forgive her son for making her look bad, and for not being as spiritual as she thought he should be. Then she went to apologize to her son for not accepting and loving him the way he was. He was in his late teens at the time.
Now he's deeply involved in ministry and missions.
And I'm encouraged - and puzzled.
What budding skill or interest did Joyce miss when she looked at her son?
What about all those stories we hear about great artists, singers, ministers and chefs that have shown unusual aptitude for their area since at least 20 weeks gestation?
Is there hope for all of us average people?
What about those of us who didn't come out of the womb dancing ballet or playing Chopin waltzes?
Is it possible for my wonderfully ordinary son, who is more interested in reading I Spy books in church than paying attention to anything, to end up being a powerful force for the Kingdom?
I sometimes think back to who I was as a young person, and I see little of the roots of who I am now.
I don't ever remember even planning so much as my own 13th birthday party (which my sister did for herself! She was highly disillusioned regarding how much fun that would be. I just remember that she had to run and serve her friends all evening, and then clean up after everybody). And now I find that I love event planning.
I had no interested in becoming a teacher, and don't remember ever having much of a relationship with any of my teachers. The ones that I can remember paying any attention to me called me funny nicknames (Burnt Braun was my identity in one science class due to a small mishap with a bunson burner), or pinched my neck while walking along behind me in typing class because I couldn't stop giggling. I certainly don't remember anyone inspiring me with a passion for learning which I then wanted to pass on. My only passion throughout highschool was a good laugh and hopefully not at my own expense. That's not to say I don't admire some of my past instructors, it's just there were no red flags waving that this was the path for me.
If I were to describe the thing that most pulls at my heart, it's the lifestyle of Mother Teresa. The idea of living with the goal to serve others - to help those less fortunate - intrigues me, even calls to me. But I never headed up any sort of philanthropy as a young person. I was too busy defending the importance of my position amongst my siblings. I wasn't the oldest, the youngest, or even the only boy like my sisters and brother. I didn't feel like I had anything to offer those less fortunate. I sure feel different now - and a huge part of that was a trip to South Africa when I was 18. Experiences from those 7 weeks are still impacting me today.
This leads me to 2 unsettling conclusions:
1) My story isn't finished and there may be some new experiences that will bring out new abilities and belief systems.
2) Nobody else's story is finished yet either, and hopefully I have the grace to look past what is, into what could be. And that goes for my kids too. God IS at work in each of them - in a unique way, and it's somewhat premature for me to assume that I know all the amazing plans he has for them.
Now he's deeply involved in ministry and missions.
And I'm encouraged - and puzzled.
What budding skill or interest did Joyce miss when she looked at her son?
What about all those stories we hear about great artists, singers, ministers and chefs that have shown unusual aptitude for their area since at least 20 weeks gestation?
Is there hope for all of us average people?
What about those of us who didn't come out of the womb dancing ballet or playing Chopin waltzes?
Is it possible for my wonderfully ordinary son, who is more interested in reading I Spy books in church than paying attention to anything, to end up being a powerful force for the Kingdom?
I sometimes think back to who I was as a young person, and I see little of the roots of who I am now.
I don't ever remember even planning so much as my own 13th birthday party (which my sister did for herself! She was highly disillusioned regarding how much fun that would be. I just remember that she had to run and serve her friends all evening, and then clean up after everybody). And now I find that I love event planning.
I had no interested in becoming a teacher, and don't remember ever having much of a relationship with any of my teachers. The ones that I can remember paying any attention to me called me funny nicknames (Burnt Braun was my identity in one science class due to a small mishap with a bunson burner), or pinched my neck while walking along behind me in typing class because I couldn't stop giggling. I certainly don't remember anyone inspiring me with a passion for learning which I then wanted to pass on. My only passion throughout highschool was a good laugh and hopefully not at my own expense. That's not to say I don't admire some of my past instructors, it's just there were no red flags waving that this was the path for me.
If I were to describe the thing that most pulls at my heart, it's the lifestyle of Mother Teresa. The idea of living with the goal to serve others - to help those less fortunate - intrigues me, even calls to me. But I never headed up any sort of philanthropy as a young person. I was too busy defending the importance of my position amongst my siblings. I wasn't the oldest, the youngest, or even the only boy like my sisters and brother. I didn't feel like I had anything to offer those less fortunate. I sure feel different now - and a huge part of that was a trip to South Africa when I was 18. Experiences from those 7 weeks are still impacting me today.
This leads me to 2 unsettling conclusions:
1) My story isn't finished and there may be some new experiences that will bring out new abilities and belief systems.
2) Nobody else's story is finished yet either, and hopefully I have the grace to look past what is, into what could be. And that goes for my kids too. God IS at work in each of them - in a unique way, and it's somewhat premature for me to assume that I know all the amazing plans he has for them.
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