Take this year's Boys Club car races for example. So many tears and frustration when his car didn't win - after all that designing and painting! He has an analytical mind and so the losing takes on deeper meaning. He had spent time thinking about what makes the car go fast and tried to plan accordingly.
That loss didn't just mean his car wasn't very fast. That loss meant he himself had miscalculated any number of different aspects regarding the design of the car. That loss was a blow to his self-confidence.
For Kaden winning is not a common thing - at least not in the regular sense. He hates any activity that demands physical contact. His sensory perception being heightened, all aspects to regular sports are overwhelming. His over-awareness of the world around him has made him feel self-conscious and very critical of his own mistakes. His bright mind understands that others around him find many things in life easier than he does. They are categorically the "winners" in life.
For the past year I have had opportunity to share on BLESSING your children in several settings. I like to show parents a little booklet called "Scripture Confessions for Moms" and I tell them that every morning I read one of these confessions along with the scriptures that accompany it. I give authority to Holy Spirit to work out something specific in my children's lives.
One of those blessings is called My Children's Self-Image - some of it goes like this:
~My children understand that God's loves makes them valuable
~My children understand that who they are is determined by what God has declared them to be and not by what others say about them
~My children see themselves as more than conquerors through Jesus Christ
~My children see themselves as victorious and triumphant in life
~My children have a positive attitude and will not allow the circumstances of life to steal their peace
Although an apple tree in its infancy or in winter has no apples, we still call it an apple tree. It IS an apple tree even without that evidence. Sometimes we don't see victory and value in ourselves. But as the weak are to say they are strong, so the loser shall declare himself a victor because God has declared him to be one.
And with my own repetition of this blessing, I am more aware of how I speak victory and encouragement to my children.
That same 9 year old (and his younger brother) went to camp for the first time this summer. At the final rodeo event both boys were slotted to ride a horse that was stubborn and refused to trot - or even walk briskly. (I longed to run out and slap the old nag's overfed rump.) Out of five groups, each time one of my boys rode, they came in last.
Carson, the younger one, held up his 5th place ribbon to me and said, "I know what this means. It means I lost!" He was a little disgusted, but I knew he would bounce back. That's the way he rolls.
I immediately looked to Kaden on my other side. He too held up a green 5th place ribbon. But surprisingly his face had his trademark ear-to-ear grin. "I might have lost," he said calmly, and then he stopped for a bit.
"I got last place again."
I waited anxiously to hear what he would say next. I was arming myself with all the words of encouragment and support I could come up with. My mind quickly went into "teachable moments" mode and I had already come up with a talk about "giving your best effort is all that matters", and "your attitude is what counts the most" and "we need to cheer for those who won"...
"I got last place again," Kaden smiled at me and then firmly declared "But I won't always be last. I won't always lose."
He sounded so content - as if he knew something that I didn't.
And the morning came when I was on page 24 in my blessing booklet again, and I re-read the things I had been declaring and giving Holy Spirit the authority to reveal to my kids about their self-image:
~confidence...value...triumph...victory
Why am I always so surprised when God does what He says He will do?
