The Wail

I feel so emotionally raw these days.  I never intended to go to the places I've gone, but following God's plan sometimes takes us through difficult territory.
Research that I do for work has given me information that I will never be able to erase from my mind's eye.

One of the projects I am currently working on is a presentation for Human Sexuality (as it relates to heatlhy choices by teenagers).  One of the aspects of the project is human development in the womb.  I've had 4 children - my pregnancies were all planned, and I eagerly listened for their heartbeat and read what I could find on pregnancy websites.  I thought I knew about pregnancy.

I feel like I've been dealt a double blow - a one-two punch. 

Current technology shows the absolutely phenomenal details of a developing human.  I am in AWE of my Creator once again.  I am AMAZED by the intricacies and complexities he put into creating His masterpieces. 

I DIDN"T KNOW that the DNA in only one of my 100 trillion cells, if you were to take just the first letter of each base, and put it in text - those letters would fill 1.5 million pages of text.  We have an extravagant Father.  A new creation at only minutes old - when it is still a single cell, carries that much information.

My amazement quickly turned to horror as I began to look for images to go with the presentation.  I was looking for a "fetus at 25 weeks gestation" image - and sprinkled among beautiful images of  babies being "formed in secret", were graphic pictures of aborted children - at all stages of pregnancy.

In NURTURE by Lisa Bevere, she describes 2 "wails" in her life - two moments that brought her to her knees with grief.

I feel like I'm walking around carrying a "wail" inside of me.  

Of course I knew about abortion - of course I knew how the procedures worked, and I've even seen images of aborted babies before.  But this time, for some reason it was different. 

One image was of a little African girl about 6 months gestation.  She was complete and beautiful, but so tiny and frail.  She laid as though tossed onto a sheet, covered in blood.  This is when I felt a wail building in me.  "Somebody wanted her!  Somebody's arms are still empty, and she would have been loved!"

I know she is just one of thousands upon thousands. 

Over and over I hear the lyrics to the JJ Heller song,

"Who will love me for me?

Not for what I have done

or what I'll become.

Who will love me for me?

Cause nobody has shown me what love -

What love really means.