I Won't Always Lose

Usually my 9 year old hates to lose. 
Take this year's Boys Club car races for example.  So many tears and frustration when his car didn't win - after all that designing and painting!  He has an analytical mind and so the losing takes on deeper meaning.  He had spent time thinking about what makes the car go fast and tried to plan accordingly. 
That loss didn't just mean his car wasn't very fast.  That loss meant he himself had miscalculated any number of different aspects regarding the design of the car.  That loss was a blow to his self-confidence.

For Kaden winning is not a common thing - at least not in the regular sense.  He hates any activity that demands physical contact.  His sensory perception being heightened, all aspects to regular sports are overwhelming.  His over-awareness of the world around him has made him feel self-conscious and very critical of his own mistakes.  His bright mind understands that others around him find many things in life easier than he does.  They are categorically the "winners" in life.

For the past year I have had opportunity to share on BLESSING your children in several settings. I like to show parents a little booklet called "Scripture Confessions for Moms" and I tell them that every morning I read one of these confessions along with the scriptures that accompany it.  I give authority to Holy Spirit to work out something specific in my children's lives.

One of those blessings is called My Children's Self-Image - some of it goes like this:
~My children understand that God's loves makes them valuable
~My children understand that who they are is determined by what God has declared them to be and not by what others say about them
~My children see themselves as more than conquerors through Jesus Christ
~My children see themselves as victorious and triumphant in life
~My children have a positive attitude and will not allow the circumstances of life to steal their peace

Although an apple tree in its infancy or in winter has no apples, we still call it an apple tree.  It IS an apple tree even without that evidence.  Sometimes we don't see victory and value in ourselves.  But as the weak are to say they are strong, so the loser shall declare himself a victor because God has declared him to be one.

And with my own repetition of this blessing, I am more aware of how I speak victory and encouragement to my children.

That same 9 year old (and his younger brother) went to camp for the first time this summer.  At the final rodeo event both boys were slotted to ride a horse that was stubborn and refused to trot - or even walk briskly.  (I longed to run out and slap the old nag's overfed rump.)  Out of five groups, each time one of my boys rode, they came in last.

Carson, the younger one, held up his 5th place ribbon to me and said, "I know what this means.  It means I lost!"  He was a little disgusted, but I knew he would bounce back.  That's the way he rolls. 
I immediately looked to Kaden on my other side.  He too held up a green 5th place ribbon.  But surprisingly his face had his trademark ear-to-ear grin.  "I might have lost," he said calmly, and then he stopped for a bit. 

"I got last place again." 

I waited anxiously to hear what he would say next.  I was arming myself with all the words of encouragment and support I could come up with.  My mind quickly went into "teachable moments" mode and I had already come up with a talk about "giving your best effort is all that matters", and "your attitude is what counts the most" and "we need to cheer for those who won"...

"I got last place again," Kaden smiled at me and then firmly declared "But I won't always be last.  I won't always lose." 
He sounded so content - as if he knew something that I didn't. 

And the morning came when I was on page 24 in my blessing booklet again, and I re-read the things I had been declaring and giving Holy Spirit the authority to reveal to my kids about their self-image:
~confidence...value...triumph...victory

Why am I always so surprised when God does what He says He will do?

In the good ol' summer time

We have had so many outings and events in the 2 short months since we brought our little peanut home.  With 4 kids in school, the field trips, concerts, track-and-field days, swimming supervision and so on, kept Bronwyn and I running between the kids' schools.  Then we headed to the zoo for a rainy Father's Day.  A week at the lake, a camping trip and a big birthday bash are already behind us this summer as well. 

Our Bronwyn seems to love life.  JOY and ZOE are two more names I wish we could have added to her already long "handle".  She constantly keeps us smiling or laughing, and just loves each new experience that comes her way.  And for Bronwyn, pretty much EVERY experience that comes her way is a new one!

Here are snippets of our June and July so far - and not in any proper order. 

 We already have so many pictures of Bronwyn in Madison's arms.  The girls have bonded so quickly and firmly.  They adore each other.   Because of their age differences this sisterhood is different than many - but Madison is a seasoned big sister, and was very very ready to take on a new little sibling. 

 We spent an afternoon and evening at my brother's place near Portage, and even went fishing in the river nearby.  Bronwyn met more of my family, and decided she really loves her cousin Bixie. 

Our first camping trip with 5 kiddos - headed to Stephenfield for 3 days.  We had a great time - it sure was cooking that week, so we enjoyed the beach, whatever shade we could find, and finally the a/c in the camper when we just got too hot.  Bronwyn was a trooper and loved it all... especially getting to sleep in her playpen in the middle of the camper where she could see us all when she woke up. 

 Bronwyn found a broken DS of one of the boys' and took an old glowstick to it.  She was proud as could be to be playing video games just like her brothers.

A week down at Pelican Lake was Bronwyn' introduction to the jetski.  When Daddy first set her on it she grabbed the handle bars and made motor noises.    She seems so attracted to quads and motorcycles and other loud vehicles.  She got her wish and off she went for her first watercraft ride.

As I got ready for Dean's 40th birthday party, Bronwyn was in on all of the planning.  She "helped" prepare the salads, wash and cut the fruit and set out the decor.  She even came along when I hid all the geocaches.

 Bronwyn is so serious in our pool - but definitely wants IN and does NOT want out.  A second after I took this photo she peed on Madison's hip and all the kids voted her out of the pool.

Bronwyn attended each of Kaden and Carson's school field days with me.  I thought her eyes would pop out of her head she was so curious about every activity and all the kids running about.  

And she visited Carson's grade 1 Celebration of Learning at the end of June.  

As Bronwyn gets more and more mobile she has become more and more adventurous and messy.  

If Bronwyn sees Madison she will immediately try to get to her.  This day, Madison had made herself a cappuccino and had picked up a good book.  She pulled the coffee table around in front of her so Bronwyn couldn't get to her and beg to be picked up.  Instead Bronwyn began to hide behind the coffee table, and then pop up and yell until the girls were both laughing.  Over and over the game went on:)

Near the middle of June I needed to wrap up a session of Princess of Purpose with the Blessing Ceremony.  Of course my Bronwyn was there for every minute - even grabbing my mic while I was speaking.  

Our hot weather the last few weeks has had us outside more than we are in.  For the first while Bronwyn would stay and play on an old sheet on the yard, because she didn't like the feel of the grass.  The kids would feel sorry for her, and run over once in a while to talk to her and play with her a bit. 

 Our little girls is SUCH a copycat.  And the kids get such a kick out of doing something and then getting her to try it. 
This afternoon Adrian was showing her how to be kind to the puppy. He kissed the puppy on the head.  She immediately grabbed the dog's ears and pulled it close for a kiss.  

Our little B's hair is growing in beautifully, and she is cruising along furniture (but not quite walking yet).  It honestly feels like we've always had her.  I was tucking her into her crib this evening and was hit with the idea that she truly feels like my daughter.  She's ours - the same way each of the other 4 are ours.  Having her in our family doesn't feel strange or different or weird (I've been asked that many times).  Having Bronwyn in our family feels right.  It feels designed and planned and perfect - exactly the way the Giver of all good gifts does things.  

Has it been a month already?

Tomorrow is the one month mark since we were blessed with Bronwyn. 

It still seems surreal... the 4a.m. wake up call in Bejing... the early morning check out and breakfast on the tour bus... the long bus ride from the terminal to the tarmack and the crowd pushing to get on that plane... landing in Xi'an and meeting our guide... "Come.  We go to hotel and then leave to meet babies at 3:30."... stepping into our hotel room and seeing the crib set up next to our bed... the bus ride to the civil affairs office... the nervous chatting with the other families as we rode the elevator up to the 6th floor... and finally...

"Wei Xiaoqian!  Wei Xiaoqian!"  The nanny holding our baby was calling out her name for us to recognize and come to her.  I've played the video of Bronwyn being handed to me over and over:  her hesitant eyes, her gentle cries as she reached back for her nanny, and within a few minutes, the feel of her relaxing and snuggling onto my lap. 

She has fit so naturally and quickly into our family that it's hard to believe she hasn't always been ours.  

Although our doctor tells us she's in the 5th size perecentile for her age, I can easily see she's gained weight and is turning quite roly poly.  She gobbled the first lunch we ever fed her, and has never turned down a meal yet.  Her rounded cheeks and pudgy thighs are two of my many favorite things about this new little family member.



On her fourth day in our care I took a picture of her in the bathtub - her first tubby that lasted all of 10 seconds.  She didn't seem to like it - rather she didn't like it that she wasn't attached to my body.  I would describe Bronwyn as a Velcro baby those first couple of weeks.  So she cried. 

I've sponge-bathed her and taken her in the shower with me ever since. 

A few days ago I began to put her in the tubby again.  What a difference!  She now splashes and spins around and makes silly faces in the water. 

Those little noodle legs that refused to bear weight the first few days have grown stronger and stronger.  At first Daddy would hold her up and pull her along, but she'd just fall forward.  A few weeks later, Bronwyn proudly lifts each tiny foot and slaps it down on the floor as she tries to walk.

When Bronwyn first met the puppies, they mutually agreed to have nothing to do with each other.  Within a couple of days, Darla & Dwayne discovered that babies drop food.  They come running if they hear the buckle on her booster seat snap into place, and then hover hopefully.  Soon Bronwyn decided she liked the two furry friends, and loves to scratch them under the chin. 

She's gone from baby food and formula to eating just about anything.  Our first Superstore adventure, I had Adrian along.  He wanted a cookie.  I got one for little B too, and broke off a small piece without any chocolate in it.  I handed that to her and set the rest of it on some groceries behind her.  I picked up a bag of bread and when I turned around she had somehow managed to grab the entire cookie.  She was so proud of herself - and ate the entire thing.

Each one of the older kids has a unique connection with Bronwyn - and as much as we are blessed to have her in our family, I see she is blessed with these older siblings that love on her with smooches and laughter and playing. 

It's hard to believe it's already been a month.  It's hard to believe it's only been a month.





Home again, home again. Jiggity jig!

Our last day in China... "Follow the Pandada flag!"  One of our guides - Vivian - led us through Tiananmen Square and the Forbidden City.  Our group always looked for the Canada flag with the Panda holding the red maple leaf.

Bronwyn, Dean and I at Tiananmen Square.

The gentleman standing to the right of me was a real gem!  He and his wife were accompanying their daughter and son-in-law and some more family as they came to pick up their daughter in the same province as we picked up Bronwyn.  We were quickly adopted ourselves by this wonderful family.  They were a huge unexpected blessing on this trip of many unexpected blessings.

Little B slept a lot as we walked through the square and on to the Forbidden City palace.  It was so hot that she usually had a mild heat rash on one cheek from laying against my chest. 

Now that we are back in Manitoba, it's hard to believe we were really there, exploring all the places that date back to before our country was even founded.  Even the brick walkways in this court yard are over 600 years old. 

Our last afternoon in China we had a farewell dinner together with all the other FOI adoptive families, and they brought in a couple of performers for the kids.  As usual, the food was delicious. 

When we returned to the hotel Bronwyn received her official letter from the Canadian Embassy, declaring her a Canadian citizen!



That's the last step before we can leave for home.  By this time, homesickness is always lurking in the back of my mind. 

FINALLY!!!  We are on the plane... but the plane is still on Beijing tarmac...

... and still on the tarmac...

... and still on the tarmac...



3 hours after being seated on the plane, we take off.  Bronwyn fell asleep shortly after, and slept till about half an hour before we landed in Vancouver.  What a gift! 

I, on the other hand, had a minor melt down.  Dean took the baby and I sat and cried.  I suddenly wanted to be home so bad, and we suddenly seemed very far away...  18 days in a hotel without my kids... a new baby... being on an airplane (which I still hate, even though we've been on 6 flights in 3 weeks) - it all added up to be very overwhelming.  I had what I came for, now I just wanted to be at home.

When we landed in Vancouver, we were paged to meet our party.  Our party?  To our surprise, Dean's cousin, Jennifer, had come to meet us at the airport!  She brought all sorts of snacks, as well as a beautiful gift for Sweet B.  She drove us out to Steveston and bought us a fresh haddock lunch on the dock.  It was exactly what we needed. 

We landed in Winnipeg and took at taxi to the Greenwood Inn at 1:35a.m.  We were exhausted, but it was early afternoon according to Bronwyn's clock.  We were all hungry and finished off all the snack that Jennifer had packed for us back in Vancouver.  That little thing was in no mood for a sleep!   We got her down for just over an hour.  Then Dean continued to sleep while B and I showered, played and she ate. 

At 8 a.m. she finally fell asleep and so did I. 

We slept till 11:30 - when we had to leave the hotel.  Ugh!

Now to stay awake until bedtime on Manitoba time!

The introduction to her carseat went better than expected.  At first she was just hesitant...

Then somewhat curious as to why she was strapped in...

And finally, just distraught that I wouldn't take her out as we drove home.

I was concerned that the older 4 would feel hurt when they met Bronwyn, since she generally won't go to anyone except Dean and I.  Especially now that we are in a new place again.  But she did great.  She's seen them on skype so many times, and we've paged through her little album over and over.  She hesitantly went to sit with the kids one after another. 



It was love at first sight for all of us, and little B is a perfect fit in our family. 

By this point she was so incredibly tired.  A little crying and she rolled over in her crib and had her first sleep in her very own bed.